


Zinnia

by Smol_Cat



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Backstory, F/F, Fictional Backstory, Flower meanings, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Im trying my best, Journal Entries, Short, Short Chapters, before the nein, yasha's backstory
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smol_Cat/pseuds/Smol_Cat
Summary: Zinnia- Daily remembranceYasha likes to write about her love, Zuala, often attaching a flower. She writes the journal to document their relationship and events during her time in the Dolorov tribe.





	1. Gardenia

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so these chapters are going to be short for the most part but im going to be updating a lot.

Yasha’s eyes flitted through her new journal, her thumb caught each page and a waft of that new journal smell rose to her her nose. She smiled gently. “Zuala will love this” she thought. Yasha slipped the journal back into her bag and continued on her way through the forest. It was damp and muggy. A light morning mist made it hard to see along with trees. The plants of the forest unraveled at the first glimpse of the sun made it that much more magical. Soon she would reach the field but she must find a flower first.

Entry Number 1: Gardenia  
I shouldn’t even be making this in the first place but I do it for you, darling. This Gardenia represents our forbidden love. And although it may be forbidden by the tribe, I know for certain that when I look at these petals and am reminded of the bright smile on your face when we first met you, it has to be true love. It has been a year since then. Another harvest should be coming soon. Although, we still cannot spend the festivities together, I’ll be thinking of you. Soon I’ll be able to whisk you away and we can travel Xhorhas far and wide without worry. I know this may seem repetitive but I know you love flowers and I tell you this often, but one day we will have a garden of our own. Each flower species carefully picked out by you to suit our home will grows their roots long and deep into the earth, forever cemented there enriched with wind and rain, heartbreak and loss, victories and happiness. This is what makes a house a home after all I suppose, a good berating of humanity. Please remember, to love you dearly,  
-Yasha

Yasha wrote that in a field of wilting wildflowers. The summer is coming to an end. The rice, beets, potatoes, and other such things are beginning to mature. The birds are migrating to a warmer place while squirrels prepare to withstand the colder temperatures. Soon Yasha must leave too. Fall is the prime time to hunt the deer and turkeys, and they must travel with them to sustain the tribe in the winter months. Zuala helps take care of the children in the tribe. She is a caring woman, and although Yasha is too, Zuala has a softer, gentler touch. Rarely bumbly or awkward, the head of the tribe had deemed her a perfect fit. That’s what attracts Yasha the most. To her, being kind had always seemed like the most reasonable approach to dealing with things. And yes, one always has to put their foot down at some point but in general the tribe’s aggressive approach to solving problems had always seemed nonsensical to her. But Zuala was different. Yasha loved that.


	2. Baby's Breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yasha finds herself in trouble...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> told you i'd be updating frequently. Bookmark this!!!!

Entry 2: Baby’s Breath  
I’m deep in the woods now and i’ve been lucky enough to stumble upon some baby’s breath so far into the season. Once again i’ve found myself thinking of you. The flower is so delicate yet sturdy. It may be one of my favorite flowers even. We should be heading back to the tribe in a few days. We’ve traveled a long, long ways and the hunting grounds seem much more plentiful. If we do uproot again I know it will be bothersome for you. The kiddos can’t stand going such far distances but this land is not meant to last long. I’m so excited to get back to you. We may even get to travel together and after, we won’t have to travel as far to hunt. Maybe i’ll ask our leader to allow be to help with planting the crops for spring and summer. Im picking extra baby’s breath for you, my love. It will last long enough until we get back there. I’m not sure when I will be giving you this book but I know someday it will happen; I just have to find the right time.

Love you dearly,  
~Yasha

 

Yasha rumaged through her bag for the animal adhesive. She already dried and pressed the flower and all it needed was to be glued down. The night was coming and the fellow hunters were beginning to gather around, starting a fire and preparing their rations of food. The strings of smoke rose over the canopy of assorted trees. Yasha made the trek back from her small spot, hidden from the tribe and entered their temporary camp.

“Orphanmaker. Where have you been going these past few weeks?”, questioned the hunting leader, Uundek.

Yasha stumbled for a lie. “Nowhere really sir. I’ve been foraging for any extra food.” 

“Well have you just been hoarding everything you find then?”

She was at a loss for words again, stuttering and bumbling over everything she said. Her tongue was tied.

“If you think that you are more important than the betterment of the tribe as the whole I think I should have to report you for that. You are out of line, Yasha Nydoorin. Once people catch wind of this you might actually be having to forage your own food.” Uundek scolded her, his anger slipping out of his clentched teeth.

That night Yasha skipped dinner. Wouldn’t have mattered anyway as she heard her name being thrown around her fellow hunters. ‘There’s no coming back from that’ Yasha thought. Later in the night though she had a visitor. The woman who entered her tent was Raena, a tall, built woman, light wrinkles on her face as she was beginning to age and her long, black hair, tied behind her head now showing gray hairs. This was Zuala’s mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! love to hear any feedback. Also I'm just making up names for now cause we don't have much of Yasha's backstory :(


	3. Humility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuala is so very kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haven't posted in a bit! That's cause i've been working on art. I alternate between the two lol.   
> my twitter is @PEACHYNEBULA  
> my insta is @peachynebula  
> and my tumblr is like @peachynebulaart or something like that.

Ah Zuala, you are just like your mother. A night ago we spoke. We had a long talk about my position in the tribe. How important I was, how important each and every one of us are. That is what I love about you all, so tender and full of humanity.  
Entry 3: Sweet woodruff  
I haven’t much time to dilly dally as I used to so I picked these, they were close enough to camp. The tiny little white blooms are drying as I write this. Right now they look orange. The flame of the fire reaching towards the sky. Right now you probably are looking at the same thing. Many speak of the moon when they want to remember their loved ones, but the fact is is that the moon is always there. Storms, fires, and other forces of nature are something more relatable to humans. Quick, constantly moving. Also, forces of those sorts can always be seen when they happen. Often the stars, moons, and the stories they tell are not always there. And I suppose fires and storms are not always there either so I’m not sure what I’m trying to get at. Maybe, everything is so unreliable. Maybe everything we do, rely on things to do, is so unreliable. But this is why we have to constantly be willing to shape with what is given. If ever you read this, keep your humanity. Be flexible, be kind, be human.

Yasha let her journal sit open, waiting for the ink to dry. As she waited she looked in the flames, making her own stories as the flames flickered and danced while the others told great heroic stories. Young boys and girls played in the trees, being careful to never go past where the fire’s light didn’t reach. The elders discussed how it used to be more plentiful. Maybe they were right, populations could be dwindling and we have to trust them or we may be thinking the same thoughts in a few years. Our aching bodies, our leathered skin, or deteriorating sight and hearing tricking us and oppressing us into believing that these travels are proving to be unfruitful. 

Eventually, the ink dried and Yasha pasted the flowers down right next to her writing. The pages were bringing to be worn and he cover smudged with dirt and other grime. The flowers gave a nice fragrance to it. Earthy, mossy smells from being in the woods, the relaxing smokey accent from being near fire all entangled together in a way that the flowers’ fragrance was the star of the show. The smell wafted towards her as she closed the book and put it in her bag and sling it over her shoulder. She hobbled into her cover for the night and listened to the cicadas shrilled. A mosquito hawk clumsily made its way around the camp, eating its mosquito dinner before retiring for the night, hidden from any birds. Yasha’s eyes soon closed and she didn’t fight against sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! hope you've enjoyed so far! if you have be sure to bookmark it!!! i dont think im gonna stop anytime soon. Ive got lots of ideas.


	4. The Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's important to practice safety in the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gore warning for this chapter! also wow I managed to make a longer chapter

No flower today, my dear. This part of the woods we are traveling through are oddly barren. We are only one or two days away and I can’t wait to see you soon. We may make it in time for the Harvest fest! Even though this part of the woods are so dead and there bares a clear lack of life there is still a charm to it. I like to remember that other people will never see what we see and I may never see what they see. That’s why I find it charming. It’s a unique experience. What do you wonder these days, love? Once I return we will get to share I suppose. Until then, i’ll delve further into my own wonderings.

The crunch of leaves under the footfall of the 17 or so dwindling members becomes grating after time. Not as satisfying. But after days on end of this noise you get used to it. Much like rush of constant wind against your ear, you don’t notice it until it’s gone. Yasha marched along with a purpose in her step. Zuala was what kept her moving with such moral. Other’s tramped along slowly and others in nervous haste but with the same reason. The faster you reach the settlement the less men you are likely to loose. This season they had lost 4 men and they could not afford anymore. Although they pack light, there is still weight to it. Just that much more weight makes the hike more grueling and moral killing. They didn’t have much in terms of moral boosting so it was important to keep any bothers squared away and dealt with. The most they had to boost the group was their occasional aggression filled speeches made by the leader. His face lit up by the fire as his voice boomed throughout the camp. Many members, usually new, bright eyed, and loyal fellows rallied along with this. They hollered and shouted, which is probably what gets the group in the most trouble during their escapades. Others, more experienced and beaten down with the years of brutal fights and loss of friends, sat to the side and sulked. 

This night was no different. Uundek whistled and everyone gathered around.

“Gather Dolorov Tribe! In these past nights we have made Sky Spear incredibly proud!” Cheers

“If we keep up this pace and keep expanding our tribe at this rate we shall destroy any other competing tribes, the blood of our enemies will glisten on our swords and arrows.” Uundek’s diplomatic charm continued to rile up the hunting pack. 

Meanwhile, starved predators were made aware of this potential meal. Large birds of prey circled the night sky above. Beasts of different kinds lurked in the shadows around the camp, mouths already seeping with drool, prepared to satisfy their weeks fasting. One beast, particularly hungry moved closer and closer to camp, each step weak yet encouraged as it’s stomach twisted and growled.

Soon, Uundek’s speech came to a close and everyone began seperating, readying for sleep. Yasha and a few others, however, continued to sit by the dim light of the fire. An older woman moved out the way from the smoke and her mate piped it, “They say smoke follows beauty. If you move it will just follow right over here.” The woman chuckled and sat on the forest floor escaping the smoke or now. Yasha was still writing to Zuala and finishing up her entry as one of them interrupted her. “What are you working on over there, Orphan Maker?” Teased the man. “Yorkov you know you are doing.” Yasha grumbled. You would think people would be more mature about a screw up but since Uundek called Yasha out there would be no end to it.   
As she waited for the paper to sop up the ink, her eyes sweeped the perimeter of the camp and flash. For just a brief moment a yellow eye beamed in the treeline.

Must be one of the kids hiding again. Yasha thought. She called out and was met with no reply so she set her journal down and began to search were she saw the child. It was then Yasha realized what she had gotten herself into. The beast came lumbering out of the trees at the perfect target. Yasha shrieked. The beast was twice her size with a massive jaw filled with abrasive canines. Within moments the beast was already upon her and the rest of the tribe had still barely reacted, not that they had any time to. The beast tore into her arm, it’s teeth piercing and ripping throughout her muscles and tissue. Immediately, blood began to pour from her arm. Yasha helplessly fought back. She began to flail and swing blindly, hoping to hit a vital point. Although well trained with a sword, Yasha lacked skills in hand to hand combat. Finally, a few members had finally come to her aid, including the mates that sat near her by the fire. 

The woman unsheathed her sword and swiped that its neck, gashing the neck open. This was enough for the beast to unlatch from Yasha but now it filled with rage. It roared, spraying anyone around it with blood and spittle. Its roar vibrated Yasha’s eardrums, a high pitched white noise now engulfed her ears along with a sharp pain. Now, the beast was set upon the woman and was relentless. Yasha dashed to get her sword and, even as more people gathered and slashed the beast, it was enraptured by this poor woman. It was relentless. It took her weakening frame into its maw, shaking her as it’s teeth destroyed her insides. Even if it was slain, there was no way this woman could be saved and you could see the look of defeat in her love’s eyes. He stood weeping, each strike of his sword getting weaker and weaker as he spiraled into a state of grief. Later that night Uundek decree that from here on out, mates will not be assigned to the same mission together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! if you enjoyed let me know!!

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! bookmark cause i'll be updating frequently


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